As I exit my truck, I hear her speak, "What was the noise coming from your radio?"
Thinking to myself, "I am not going to let her ruin my coolness." I answer, "Rock and Roll baby, Rock and Roll."
"Pptthh!" she smirks, "that is so yesterday, why don't you grow up."
When did rock and roll become so "yesterday?" I was at a loss for a snappy come back; trying to save face, I replied, "oh yeah, well when I was young people could ride in the back of a truck and it wasn't against the law, and we didn't even have to wear seatbelts if we didn't want to." I was sure that would stop her, but no.
She simply replied, "god your old." Trying to figure out how to "grow up" and quit being old, I sauntered into the house. I remember when I could out smart her, but those days are sadly gone. I also remember when there were no cell phones, and if you wanted to talk to someone you had to call them at home or worse you had to speak to them in person. This was my only reassurance that I knew more than my daughter, but soon that too would fade.
I got an odd message on my phone that would not go away. It read, "Text message received." "What in the world is this?" I thought to myself. I tried repeatedly to go to my voicemail and retrieve my "text message," but I couldn't get it. Nothing was there; just that stupid little symbol of an envelope that just wouldn't go away. Frustrated and beaten, I knew what had to be done. I had to go face the teenage beast on her ground and ask for help.
"You dope, you have a text message. You have to read it from your inbox. You don't listen to it on your voice mail." she announced in a rather loud fashion.
"What?" I stated. "You mean someone typed me a message on a cell phone and then sent it to me. Why didn't they just call me? Isn't that what phones are for? What idiot would do such a thing?"
The teenage beast replied, "it was mom, she wanted you to stop on your way home and get some milk. Did you get the milk?"
I would have loved nothing more than to wipe that smirk off her face with my foot, but I just took my phone and left quietly instead. As I walked out of my daughter's bedroom, my wife walked in the front door.
"Hey honey," were her first words.
"Hey baby," was my reply.
"Did you get the milk?" were her second words.
Then, before I could reply, a voice came from the bedroom, "No, he didn't, and he called you an idiot because he doesn't know how to read a text message. Now I can't make the mashed potatoes for supper because Mr. Ancient had to get me to read the message for him."
"You don't know how to read a text message," my wife inquired. Next came the badgering, "god, you are so outdated. I may have to trade you in for a newer model. Well, dust off your wallet and go get the milk," she said.
Mumbling under my breath, I cursed the cell phone with every fiber of my being as I made my way toward the door. "Why me?" I asked.
"Honey did you say something?" my wife asked as she was taking off her shoes and putting down her purse.
"No dear," I humbly replied.
"Oh yeah, while your at the store, could you pick me up some tampons, I'm out." she stated.
More cursing under my breath, but the only thing I said loud enough for her to here was, "Yes Dear."
The whole trip I kept asking myself the same question, "What would John Wayne do?"
Those days were simpler times, my daughters are grown and out of the house now. During that period of time in between, my phone got smaller, then you had to flip to open it. Next, it got smarter, and now the phones are getting bigger again. Now it's all about tapping. Tap the App. I can't wait to see what's next. I wonder what John Wayne would tweet?
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