I Just Can't Win...

My wife has a dog, and I have an archenemy. Batman has many nemeses like The Riddler, The Joker, The Penguin, but not me. I just have The Thor. Eighteen pounds of pure spite that one is. Thor is a master criminal in his on right, that is, as far as dogs go. He knows exactly what he wants, and exactly how to get it. I wish I were that lucky. The both of us vie for my wife’s attention, and that little ball of fur always wins.

In past times, when he could jump that high, I would arrive home to see The Thor dog in my chair lounging around in all his glory. If I wanted to sit down, I had to exercise my authority. Most times, he would growl at me before begrudgingly giving up his spot. Point for me.

He is very cunning that little dog. If I make him get out of my chair, he jumps up into his mother’s lap. She pets him and rubs all over him, all the while he stares at me with his one good eye. Fourteen years have passed, and I have yet to figure out which one the good one is, but he stares at me all the same with his smug little nose and furry face. Point for the dog.

Being a man, I decided one day to be the Alpha and teased the dog before I went to work. I came home after work only to find the dog sprawled out all over my pillow on my bed. Bad enough he took over my spot, now he was trying to take over my pillow. I yanked him up; he growled as usual, but I didn’t care. That is my pillow; no way he is going to get everything I own. He waddled away all hunched up like he was somebody. It didn’t bother me cause I got my pillow back. Point for me.

He still persists in tormenting me. If I sit down in “my chair,” he comes over and bumps my feet with his back until I give in and rub him with my feet. Thor knows that I don’t care for cats, and this action is purely to annoy me with his cat-like behavior. Then, he reverts back to being a dog. Thor brings a toy over and drops it at my feet and then growls at me until I give in and reach for it. Like a shot he grabs it and backs up just out of reach. He knows I am too lazy to get up, and uses this to his advantage. Point for the dog.

Like me, he is steadily aging and his legs don’t work as well as they used too. One would think that on any given day a grown man could outwit a shih tzu, but sadly for me, this is not the case. The only way he has survived for fourteen years is the fact that my wife loves him, protects and baby’s him, and I no longer have the will to kick the elderly. Game, set, and match. The Thor dog wins.